[ For a brief moment, Rezo looks miffed. Zelgadis hates him. Rezo is the vessel of Shabranigdu who nearly destroyed the world. Rezo thinks it would be perfectly reasonable to assume that Zelgadis's opinion of Rezo's opinion would be poor!
Reasonable perhaps, but ultimately incorrect as Zelgadis asserts. The admission lights a tender curl of warmth within him- somehow, impossibly, Rezo still matters to his grandson!
-but that warmth is just as quickly overtaken by horror. Mattering to Zelgadis gives him a power over the boy that he knows he cannot be trusted with. ]
...I'm sorry.
[ He raises a hand, intending to touch it to Zelgadis's cheek. Perhaps Zelgadis will accept the touch, or perhaps he'll avoid it somehow. Either way, Rezo forges on. ]
Zelgadis, you will be far better off if you don't concern yourself with what I do or do not care for.
[ Cepheid, though, it's agonizing to admit. ]
I... do care about you. But I cannot guarantee I always will, nor that my feelings will be of any good to you.
[ Zel lets Rezo's hand rest on his cheek. He's already bared his soul: there's no need to suddenly play the cool guy, least of all as his heart sinks with that "I'm sorry".
He finally gets an apology, and it's one he doesn't even want to hear.
Especially because Rezo is absolutely correct, and Zel knows it.
He's known all along that the smartest thing he could do for himself is live his life as though Rezo does not exist. ]
...You're right. I should make my peace with you here and move on once the village recovers. If you hadn't been resurrected, I might have already put you behind me by now.
[ Zel's mouth twitches into a wry smile. ]
But you are here, and for the first time since this all began, the rift between us has lessened. It might all be for naught -- but if I concede defeat before I even lose, I'll spend the rest of my life wondering how things might have turned out.
[ Even though he knows better, a part of Rezo was expecting the sensation of soft skin. Instead, his hand settles on a curved stone surface, lined with bumps. Yet it's warm, as an ordinary person's would be. Warm and alive. It truly is a marvel, almost as much as the fact that Zelgadis is allowing this at all.
And merely because Rezo said a few things that he thought Zelgadis already knew?
It was so... simple.
Not easy, not in the least, but simple. Even if he's not forgiven by any means, he had assumed he would need to pull off a miracle in order to even lessen the rift.
But even if Zelgadis's heart has eased, that doesn't solve the underlying root of their problems. Even as Rezo continues to carefully hold Zelgadis's face in his hand, his expression is conflicted. ]
...It's deeper than a matter of a rift, Zelgadis. I could kill you. I have already tried to do so in the past.
[ As long as Shabranigdu resides within Rezo, the same old risks remain. It may only be a matter of time before the worst of the Red Priest is brought to the surface again, and like before, it wouldn't be Zelgadis alone who'd suffer for it.
Frankly, Rezo is a potential threat to existence itself. ]
...But don't get too ahead of yourself. First off, you're assuming I'd lose.
[ If Rezo were to try and kill him right now, Zel would be a sitting duck, yes, but that would be an exceedingly unlikely turn of events.
In a fair fight, Zel thinks he'd stand a chance, no need for a Philsopher's Stone to level the playing field. ]
You're not as strong as you used to be because of dying and resurrecting twice, right? I suppose you wouldn't know this, but a similar principle applies to Shabranigdu. When you revived it in Taforashia, it was a shell of its former self; a ghost who was destroyed again by Lina. It follows that whatever you're harboring now is a remnant of that.
[ It did take the Giga Slave to eradicate Shabranigdu's ghost, but that's the nature of magic. The true essence of Ruby Eye was long dead. ]
If you can be this embarrassing, I'm not convinced yet that Shabranigdu's influence is so irresistible any longer.
[ He's not fooling anyone. He missed Rezo's kindness. ]
[ It's surreal. Incomprehensible. Zelgadis is a powerful sorcerer in his own right, and he's made reliable connections since Rezo died. At this point there is little Rezo has to offer him apart from the occasional bit of consultation on matters like their current situation. If Zelgadis wants that, there's no need to concern himself with the rift between them.
Evidently Zelgadis's tender heart hasn't lessened as much as Rezo thought, nor the boy's exasperating stubbornness and pride. ]
Zelgadis.
[ Rezo carefully, slowly withdraws his hand.
He doesn't know if Zelgadis's theory will prove true. He still understands little about the circumstances of his own revival. And Rezo is very doubtful of if this is truly the right thing for Zelgadis to do.
But he is certain of one thing. ]
You know I can be far more embarrassing than this.
[ He thought Rezo would say, well, literally anything else. Tell him he might be onto something, or conversely, tell him he's mistaken. Zelgadis laughs quietly to himself. ]
I haven't forgotten that either. Spare me.
[ He hasn't forgiven Rezo. He might never go on to forgive him even if they mend this rift as well as they can.
But it's already easier to live with the weight of it all.
Zelgadis had once believed this bond unsalvageable, Rezo incapable of reflection or change, and he has been proven wrong.
A little hope is a nice thing to have.
He clears his throat. ]
Anyway, we've made enough of a commotion. You should check on the patients already.
[ He's starting to feel guilty about letting all of this play out inside the inn... Some of that was impossible not to overhear. ]
[ The laughter is rewarded with a smile, something tremulous and rather more fragile than Rezo's usual placid expression, but sincere. He can't recall the last time he heard Zelgadis actually laugh about something.
The fragile moment ends soon enough, with the reminder- for both of them- of where and when they actually are. ]
...Yes, of course.
[ God they really have been having this talk in an inn full of people. This is part of why Rezo wanted to put it off! Still, no matter how raw he feels, for the moment he doesn't regret the conversation. The air between them is just that bit clearer, and it's subsequently a bit easier to breathe. Somehow, they've managed to speak about their estrangement without further rejection and alienation.
But he really does have to take care of the patients. Rezo slowly gets to his feet. ]
Rest well. I'll come check on you in two hours.
[ Though while he's working out there, he dearly hopes he doesn't wind up crying on any of the patients. There's a telltale burning sensation in his eyes. It turns out one of the downsides of having his eyes unsealed is that he actually can cry properly now, even though most of the time he would prefer not to! ]
[ For a second there, just as Rezo moves to stand, Zel thinks he spots the shimmer of tears behind Rezo's lashes.
Resting his head against the arm of the chair beside him, he questions if it was his imagination as he slips into a surprisingly deep sleep.
The sounds of the inn filter into his subconscious, shaping the form of his dreams. Before long, he is dreaming that he too is a patient trapped in a bed, where the curse gnaws away at him from the inside. He knows when it's done with him it'll have hollowed him out. When there's nothing left, it will make no difference if he's human or not.
He is trying to implore Rezo for help, but his mouth won't obey his brain and his words come out all wrong, their meaning inverted. The dream-Rezo does not understand.
The scene shifts. Rezo turns his back to Zelgadis. His robes flutter behind him as he walks away, and Zel is powerless to follow. All the willpower in the world can't force him to rise from this bed.
Ruby eyes glint back at him from the dark.
Sill asleep, Zelgadis mutters to himself, brow furrowed deep. ]
[ Rezo resumes work in something of a haze. He succeeds in not breaking down in between resurrections, but he does have to discreetly swipe at his eyes every now and then and his thoughts are never far from the young man sleeping by the fireplace. He still isn't entirely sure what Zelgadis hopes for from Rezo, besides for Rezo to care about him even if he doesn't need Rezo to take care of him.
But maybe, when things have settled down a bit, he can just ask. Isn't that something?
Between the two of them they've made enough progress that all the patients in the inn have been treated before the two hours are up. If he wants to be thorough, Rezo could start visiting the other buildings in the village to look for other patients in a critical state. But wandering off on his own like that seems like it could end poorly, and he wants to stay near Zelgadis to keep an eye on his condition.
So Rezo leaves the final inn patient where they're lying and trudges back to his grandson.
He catches the sound of muttering and thinks for a moment that Zelgadis must still be awake. But- no, that doesn't sound very lucid, is he sleeptalking? He sounds almost anxious about something.
Rezo kneels and listens to the sound of Zelgadis's breathing before he gingerly touches him, wary of waking Zelgadis unnecessarily. ]
Settle down. Everything is fine.
[ Minus the mazoku feeding on the town's suffering and the numerous cursed individuals rotting away, including Zelgadis. But there really isn't a pressing emergency at the moment. Zelgadis can rest a little longer, surely. ]
Subconsciously, he hears Rezo's reassurance, and the dream changes shape once more.
Rezo has not abandoned him. He's right here.
Thank goodness.
Everything is fine... Is everything fine? He isn't sure of that. But he would like to believe it, if only for now. His breathing steadies, and his sleep is uneventful after that.
It's about thirty minutes past the two hour mark when he blearily awakens. Despite his fatigue, there's too much tension in his body to stay asleep much longer than this. As he lifts his head, he's met with light resistance: strands of his wiry hair poked into the armchair's fabric. It's the least of anyone's problems, but he's a little embarrassed.
The clock on the wall says he overslept. Did Rezo decide against waking him?
...Ha. They've both gotten soft, huh. ]
I'm up.
[ And he'd better be able to finally get up. Come on, chimera body, show him what you're good for.
One, two...
He pulls himself to his feet, swaying lightly. Probably should have taken that more slowly. Ugh, he's going to have to be really careful about how much magic he expends. ]
[ Rezo hears Zelgadis's breathing even out, and feels himself relax in response. He lets his fingertips linger on Zelgadis's cheek for a few moments longer before withdrawing them, satisfied that nothing is seriously amiss.
When Zelgadis was quite small, Rezo would sometimes sing to him at bedtime, or tell him a story- which would often turn into several stories as Zelgadis stubbornly insisted on staying awake for "just one more"- but right now, it seems better to just give him a quiet: ]
Rest well.
[ That, however, leaves Rezo with little to do. Zelgadis needs his rest. They both need to recuperate. So what should Rezo do in the mean time?
The answer to that Zelgadis will easily be able to discern once he's on his feet, as long as he looks to his side and slightly down.
Because Rezo is now sitting in the arm chair and he is much more heavily conked out than he was earlier. His head is at an angle leaning against the back of the chair and is mouth is partly agape, undermining his usual dignity significantly. At least he isn't snoring. Breathing doesn't count as snoring.
But he is very much in the depths of an old man nap. Zzz. ]
[ Right after he rises to his feet, Zel spots a figure in his peripheral vision, and there is Rezo, asleep again in the armchair. That must mean every patient in the inn has had Resurrection cast on them. All these people, the sickest of the sick, are a step closer to being healed.
Shaking off a light dizziness, he watches Rezo. The rhythmic rise and fall of his chest makes Zelgadis want to sit back down and keep sleeping. But it's for the best if one of them remains awake, so he refrains.
Rezo seems so human these past days. Even before the betrayal, Zelgadis had spent enough time with Rezo to learn of his mundane habits, his unglamorous foibles, and still there was always something about him that seemed untouchable. Out of reach. From the start until now Zelgadis had mythologized him. A hero, a villain, the greatest, the worst...
All childish perceptions. He thinks he ought to be annoyed with himself. Instead he's relieved that reality is, for once, a lot more simple than he thought it to be.
Having regained some of his strength, Zel turns his attention to the patients, wanting to assess their conditions for himself for thoroughness' sake. That, and there's precious little else for him to do.
He's just as embarrassed as he was two hours ago about every person here being an audience to the Greywords Family Drama, and were it not for his sense of responsibility he would be the first person ever recorded to grow catatonic from cringe. Or maybe even die. You can probably die from that.
Zel does his best impression of a person with intact dignity as he makes the rounds and concludes his initial assumption was right: Rezo did take care of the rest of the patients. ]
It's a lot to ask, but hang in there. It'll be worth it. Your life isn't something you can replace.
[ He knows he's no motivational speaker, but his awkward effort comes from the heart.
...God, he hopes they're doing the right thing.
Or in this case, the least wrong thing.
He hears footsteps; the innkeeper is coming down the stairs. Urk. He forgot there's one person here who's well enough to comment on what she must have overheard. He hastily makes a last-ditch effort to scrub the blood off of his face and then he preempts her before she can speak a word. ]
We've made considerable headway. If the patients here are responding to the treatments -- and they are -- that bodes well for the rest of the village.
[ "You both have done so much for us already, at great cost to yourselves. Please, rest as much you need."
In spite of that cost, Zel thinks, he's managed to gain something too. That's unbearably sappy, however, so instead he tells her he's experienced worse. It is true.
The innkeeper doesn't ask about what happened with Rezo earlier, either out of politeness or discomfort with broaching the subject. Instead she tells him she's been going through the inn's storage room, looking for extra medical supplies.
"I've found everything but anything useful," she says, "though that old guitar would shed a bit of the gloom if there were anyone left to play." ]
I can play guitar.
[ And a few minutes later, Zel finds himself holding the guitar in question. The innkeeper, looking nearly as happy as she did when Rezo first appeared in the village, eagerly explains that the guitar was left behind by a guest that never came back to retrieve it, and has seen a lot of use from other guests over the years, only finding itself stored away to make room for the patients. ]
I didn't... Uh...
[ Didn't think she'd want him to play it right now. Rezo's still sleeping, for one thing, and it's very sudden besides. Didn't she just tell him to rest...?
But she's obviously desperate for some kind of reprieve from the constant misery, and Zel caves to the hopeful look on her face.
Zel wracks his brain for a minute, and then begins to play a song. ]
[Waking to the gentle strumming of a guitar is one of the politer ways a person can be awoken. Since nobody seems to be in any actual trouble, Rezo indulges himself in dozily sitting for a bit longer and listening to the mysterious music. As he grows more lucid, he begins to wonder what's making the music- obviously it's a guitar, but who's playing? The only person who might be well enough to is the innkeeper, or perhaps...
Rezo shifts, and moves his hand onto the armrest where Zelgadis was resting his head. There isn't the telltale prickle of wire hair to be found, only a few small holes and tears in the upholstery. The absence gives him a twinge of alarm which is ridiculous when he's personally put Zelgadis in far, far greater danger before.
(At least Rezo had some control over those dangers before, however.)
(...Sort of.)
If it is Zelgadis playing the guitar, then that's something of a surprise. Rezo had given him a basic musical education as part of Zelgadis's overall curriculum, going over the fundamentals of music theory, breath control, how to read sheet music, helping him experiment with a few portable instruments, etc. At some point they'd stopped- they both had other things they were focusing on.
Had Zelgadis kept on playing without Rezo's knowledge?
He doesn't expect to get any answers from sitting here, so Rezo finally gets to his feet, slipping a hand into the collar of his pauldrons so he can massage his sore neck. The act of getting to his feet also makes his stomach twist in a way that reminds him it's been quite a while since he properly ate anything. That's another thing they'll need to take care of...
Rezo drifts away from the fireplace and towards the source of the music. Even after all that ruminating he doesn't say anything just yet, as he doesn't want to interrupt.]
[ At one point, given the time, he could have seen himself studying -- mastering, even -- any of the instruments he'd been introduced to just to say that he could, but the guitar was the only one that spoke to him. Besides being partial to its sound, it suited his image. A wandering anti-hero who's been dogged by misfortune should be able to strum some mournful chords.
He'd picked it back up not long after the copy Rezo incident. It had been relaxing, even meditative, to practice. He'd sit under the moonlight playing whatever felt right and his troubles would drift away with the wind.
Despite having been mildly peer-pressured into this little performance, he doesn't mind that he caved. Recreation is a way to recuperate. The patients might even benefit from it. They've got to be starved for mental stimulation.
He eventually catches a glimpse of Rezo in his peripheral vision and fumbles a note in surprise. Gah -- how long has he been there?
If he's choosing not to interrupt, there can't be any harm in playing a bit longer.
Now, all of a sudden, Zel wants to show off a bit. ]
This'll be the last one.
[ Ostensibly, he's talking to the innkeeper.
Zel re-adjusts his hold on the guitar. Since Rezo has woken up anyway, he picks a tune more energetic than what he'd been playing previously.
As the last notes fade out, he looks not to the innkeeper for her reaction, but to Rezo for his. Not that he wants approval, or anything.
He sets the guitar down, and she thanks him for indulging her. When she acknowledges Rezo, Zel has a brief moment of dread, but she still shows no signs of wanting to insert herself into their family drama. She soon excuses herself to resume clearing out the storage, giving Zel the impression that if anything, she wants to be far away from any more big, dramatic, emotional moments.
He can't say he wouldn't do the same, if he were her. ]
...If that woke you, don't blame me. I mentioned offhandedly that I could play, and then the next thing I know she's foisted the guitar onto me.
[ It's fairly obvious when Zelgadis notices him, even if it's only a single sour note that Rezo hears. Rezo nearly speaks up when Zelgadis does, but no words come to mind in time before Zelgadis hits those first notes and once again, Rezo doesn't wish to interrupt the song.
It's a lovely tune. More energetic than what Zelgadis was playing previously, although not to the point of being chipper. It gives Rezo enough energy to smile by the end of the song. It's good to have something to think about other than their various woes.
Rezo exchanges a few brief pleasantries with the innkeeper, and internally cringes at the realization she may well have been able to overhear his confrontation with Zelgadis earlier. If she had, she's tactful enough not to say anything and Rezo indulges himself in imagining that she truly is just eager to clear out the storage room when she excuses himself.
And then it's just Rezo and Zelgadis.
And an inn full of patients, but it's Zelgadis who holds the bulk of Rezo's attention. Rezo's expression softens perceptibly when he turns towards his grandson. ]
There are far worse things to awaken to than music.
[ That feels like a somewhat lukewarm response to Rezo's ear, so he tries to put together something more earnest. Since Zelgadis apparently cares about Rezo's opinion, the poor boy.
Rezo clears his throat. ]
You've gotten better. At playing it. The guitar.
[ An excellent attempt at conversation, ten out of ten points for the Red Priest. ]
[ It's too obvious that Rezo is deliberately attempting to be considerate of his grandson's feelings. The image-conscious part of Zel wants to abort this conversation. He rubs the back of his neck, an unconscious nervous habit. ]
I've found the time to practice, in-between... everything.
[ Adventuring, training.
Looking for a cure because he's too stubborn to accept that there isn't one. No need to say it aloud and strain the mood, is there?
Zel folds his arms. He is not going to be awkward about this, damn it. ]
Can't play in front of Lina or the others without getting bombarded with "requests". Demands, more like...
[ Zel returns to his too-cool-for-this persona. It's a comforting skin to wear: a defense against the vulnerability of sharing aspects of his life with Rezo and candidly having affection for his friends.
It's a weak smokescreen, but if all of their conversations were as raw as earlier, it'd be too much to bear.
The guilt that comes from a sense of grudging responsibility -- dogged thing that is! --nags at him. There is much yet to do, it says. He's probably well enough to accomplish something of use beyond insignificant chatter and playing music.
He still can't bring himself to say, "well, anyway," and change the subject.
It's a plain fact that without rest of body and mind, you break down. His chimera body is no exception. It's proved as much. And Rezo's still overworked.
So, then... it's fine. If it's selfish, it's selfish. He's not a knight in shining armor. He's only doing his best. ]
They're a lively bunch. But, you know that already.
[ Chaotic, annoying, a pain in the ass... and he wouldn't have it any other way. ]
[ Right now, Rezo doesn't mind the wannabe cool guy act. It's not like it's entirely a post-chimera-trauma development, and he has to remind himself not to smile too widely over it.
A soft half-laugh at Zelgadis's talk of his friends, however, should be permissible. ]
So I've observed.
[ On the whole, Rezo actually appreciates Zelgadis's friends. Partly because they're evidence that Zelgadis's life hasn't fully diminished into a wasteland of lonesome suffering, and partly because at the end of the day Lina and her companions have repeatedly saved the world that Rezo painfully wants to see.
This does not mean that he was not frustrated by them at various points in various ways- whether it's because they would not cooperate and give him the accursed Philosopher's Stone he has been waiting for over a century for this or because they were trying to get him to cooperate with their demands while he was half-dazed from the Hellmaster's Jar and busy trying to keep the Dark Lord under wraps. Sometimes emotions don't always mesh with what's objectively right or wrong.
But still, Rezo is grateful. ]
Pokota has mentioned that you're especially close to Princess Amelia these days.
[ Yes, Rezo's in contact with Pokota, which is as baffling to him as it probably is to Zelgadis. All Rezo can say is that while Pokota's temper may be short, so is the amount of time he'll hold onto a grudge. No matter how grievous and permanent the harm that was done. ]
[ There's a brief flash of a ??? expression on Rezo's face at the outburst. ]
Pokota informed me that you had been knighted by Prince Philionel and often work with Princess Amelia in an official or semi-official capacity. He says that the two of you get along quite well.
[ He'd also sketched out a broad outline of how the three of them had first met properly and fought against a magic tank.
Having reassured(?) Zelgadis that Pokota is not spreading salacious rumors about Zelgadis and Amelia, Rezo adds, quite sincerely: ]
I'm glad that you two are friends.
[ They hadn't interacted much but Rezo had observed that Amelia was a compassionate and genuine young woman, and with her status she doubtless has enough sway to help mitigate the ostracization Zelgadis might otherwise face as a chimera mercenary. All in all, an excellent person for Zelgadis to be friends with. ]
[ He's certainly not kidding Rezo, if the warm smile he gives Zelgadis is any indication. ]
She's fortunate to have someone kindhearted to look out for her.
[ Okay, so Rezo might be pushing his luck here. Poke-the-tsundere is a game that's hard to resist, alright?
In the back of Rezo's mind, some gears are turning- still mulling over Zelgadis's explosive reaction. In theory it's not uncharacteristic that he would bridle at the realization that others were talking about him behind his back (Zelgadis can be a tad insecure) or noticing that he's close to another person. (And thus undermining the cool loner persona that Zelgadis has.)
However he'd very specifically insisted that he and Amelia were friends. Meaning he'd thought Pokota had said they were close in a different way.
Rezo's... concerned, honestly, but that concern will be getting tucked away in a little box and placed on a shelf in his mind in a secluded corner. Saying anything about it would certainly be a poke too far. ]
Is she really that trouble prone? She hardly seemed worse than the rest of you.
[ Rezo has done many things wrong, but nobody could hold playing poke-the-tsundere against him. He wasn't kidding when he said he could be even more embarrassing! Zel mutters something noncommittal, neither confirming or denying the kindheartedness allegations.
He allows himself a small smile. Rezo can't see it, so he'll never know!!
Zel clicks his tongue at "hardly seemed worse than the rest of you". They're all trouble-prone goofballs. He's, uh. Well. He's...
...Not much better, huh? ]
She's naive and overzealous. Always getting carried away and in over her head because she thinks with her heart instead of her brain. Our foes aren't going to politely sit and listen while she's admonishing them in the name of justice.
[ Idealistic, Rezo thinks. It's a characteristic that inspires admiration and affection, but also the worry that Zelgadis admits to. Rezo understands the feeling more than Zelgadis would likely suspect.
It's nice to hear some of what Zelgadis thinks, rather than try and pick up on it via observation or from what mutual acquaintances might mention offhand. They haven't really properly spoken about mundane personal matters since-
Well. It always goes back to the moment Zelgadis was transformed.
But at least in this moment they're able to talk, and Rezo feels safe enough to indulge in idle, personal curiosity. ]
However did the two of you meet?
[ Pokota hadn't known that part, after all, though Rezo had surmised that the two of them had met through Lina Inverse during the intervening years between his first death and his temporary revival. He's discovered quite a lot of things happened in that timeframe and he's still struggling to catch up. ]
It's going to take time before this stops catching Zelgadis off guard. But as long as Rezo continues to extend an olive branch, Zel will keep taking it. ]
It was back when I was investigating your supposed revival; what turned out to be your copy. I'd parted ways with Lina and Gourry after Shabranigdu's defeat, only to stumble across them once more while confronting Eris. But this time, they had Amelia in tow. In terms of first impressions, it could have gone better. She thought I looked 'suspicious'.
[ Relaying this isn't about slinging guilt. It's the truth of the matter, for one.
It would be an insult to them both to try and ignore the elephant in the room. Now that Rezo is willing to listen, Zel wants him to understand how far reaching the consequences of his actions are. How this stone body colors every interaction he'll ever have. ]
She was a lot more immature then. I thought she was getting underfoot more than anything else. Trying to make dramatic entrances and falling flat on her face, being knocked around by monsters... I didn't have a choice but to keep an eye on her.
[ Someone like that, you just can't help wanting to look out for. ]
It turned out that we didn't make too badly of a team. When I ran into her again in Xoana, we were briefly at odds -- a clash of interests. But after that...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Zelgadis is floored. How does the misunderstanding run this deep? ]
You can't be this much of an idiot.
[ He almost wants to laugh in sheer disbelief. ]
It hasn't been that long, but that's not the point. I asked you earlier why you care what happens to me, because --
[ Damn it.
It's agony to say. It's too honest. It'll kill him.
But he needs to.
There's nothing left to lose, his pride is in shambles, he's bloody and cursed and miserable, so it doesn't matter what he says now.
Despite everything, for some godforsaken reason -- ]
I still want you to care what happens to me.
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Reasonable perhaps, but ultimately incorrect as Zelgadis asserts. The admission lights a tender curl of warmth within him- somehow, impossibly, Rezo still matters to his grandson!
-but that warmth is just as quickly overtaken by horror. Mattering to Zelgadis gives him a power over the boy that he knows he cannot be trusted with. ]
...I'm sorry.
[ He raises a hand, intending to touch it to Zelgadis's cheek. Perhaps Zelgadis will accept the touch, or perhaps he'll avoid it somehow. Either way, Rezo forges on. ]
Zelgadis, you will be far better off if you don't concern yourself with what I do or do not care for.
[ Cepheid, though, it's agonizing to admit. ]
I... do care about you. But I cannot guarantee I always will, nor that my feelings will be of any good to you.
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He finally gets an apology, and it's one he doesn't even want to hear.
Especially because Rezo is absolutely correct, and Zel knows it.
He's known all along that the smartest thing he could do for himself is live his life as though Rezo does not exist. ]
...You're right. I should make my peace with you here and move on once the village recovers. If you hadn't been resurrected, I might have already put you behind me by now.
[ Zel's mouth twitches into a wry smile. ]
But you are here, and for the first time since this all began, the rift between us has lessened. It might all be for naught -- but if I concede defeat before I even lose, I'll spend the rest of my life wondering how things might have turned out.
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And merely because Rezo said a few things that he thought Zelgadis already knew?
It was so... simple.
Not easy, not in the least, but simple. Even if he's not forgiven by any means, he had assumed he would need to pull off a miracle in order to even lessen the rift.
But even if Zelgadis's heart has eased, that doesn't solve the underlying root of their problems. Even as Rezo continues to carefully hold Zelgadis's face in his hand, his expression is conflicted. ]
...It's deeper than a matter of a rift, Zelgadis. I could kill you. I have already tried to do so in the past.
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[ As long as Shabranigdu resides within Rezo, the same old risks remain. It may only be a matter of time before the worst of the Red Priest is brought to the surface again, and like before, it wouldn't be Zelgadis alone who'd suffer for it.
Frankly, Rezo is a potential threat to existence itself. ]
...But don't get too ahead of yourself. First off, you're assuming I'd lose.
[ If Rezo were to try and kill him right now, Zel would be a sitting duck, yes, but that would be an exceedingly unlikely turn of events.
In a fair fight, Zel thinks he'd stand a chance, no need for a Philsopher's Stone to level the playing field. ]
You're not as strong as you used to be because of dying and resurrecting twice, right? I suppose you wouldn't know this, but a similar principle applies to Shabranigdu. When you revived it in Taforashia, it was a shell of its former self; a ghost who was destroyed again by Lina. It follows that whatever you're harboring now is a remnant of that.
[ It did take the Giga Slave to eradicate Shabranigdu's ghost, but that's the nature of magic. The true essence of Ruby Eye was long dead. ]
If you can be this embarrassing, I'm not convinced yet that Shabranigdu's influence is so irresistible any longer.
[ He's not fooling anyone. He missed Rezo's kindness. ]
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Evidently Zelgadis's tender heart hasn't lessened as much as Rezo thought, nor the boy's exasperating stubbornness and pride. ]
Zelgadis.
[ Rezo carefully, slowly withdraws his hand.
He doesn't know if Zelgadis's theory will prove true. He still understands little about the circumstances of his own revival. And Rezo is very doubtful of if this is truly the right thing for Zelgadis to do.
But he is certain of one thing. ]
You know I can be far more embarrassing than this.
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I haven't forgotten that either. Spare me.
[ He hasn't forgiven Rezo. He might never go on to forgive him even if they mend this rift as well as they can.
But it's already easier to live with the weight of it all.
Zelgadis had once believed this bond unsalvageable, Rezo incapable of reflection or change, and he has been proven wrong.
A little hope is a nice thing to have.
He clears his throat. ]
Anyway, we've made enough of a commotion. You should check on the patients already.
[ He's starting to feel guilty about letting all of this play out inside the inn... Some of that was impossible not to overhear. ]
I'll be stuck here a while longer.
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The fragile moment ends soon enough, with the reminder- for both of them- of where and when they actually are. ]
...Yes, of course.
[ God they really have been having this talk in an inn full of people. This is part of why Rezo wanted to put it off! Still, no matter how raw he feels, for the moment he doesn't regret the conversation. The air between them is just that bit clearer, and it's subsequently a bit easier to breathe. Somehow, they've managed to speak about their estrangement without further rejection and alienation.
But he really does have to take care of the patients. Rezo slowly gets to his feet. ]
Rest well. I'll come check on you in two hours.
[ Though while he's working out there, he dearly hopes he doesn't wind up crying on any of the patients. There's a telltale burning sensation in his eyes. It turns out one of the downsides of having his eyes unsealed is that he actually can cry properly now, even though most of the time he would prefer not to! ]
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Resting his head against the arm of the chair beside him, he questions if it was his imagination as he slips into a surprisingly deep sleep.
The sounds of the inn filter into his subconscious, shaping the form of his dreams. Before long, he is dreaming that he too is a patient trapped in a bed, where the curse gnaws away at him from the inside. He knows when it's done with him it'll have hollowed him out. When there's nothing left, it will make no difference if he's human or not.
He is trying to implore Rezo for help, but his mouth won't obey his brain and his words come out all wrong, their meaning inverted. The dream-Rezo does not understand.
The scene shifts. Rezo turns his back to Zelgadis. His robes flutter behind him as he walks away, and Zel is powerless to follow. All the willpower in the world can't force him to rise from this bed.
Ruby eyes glint back at him from the dark.
Sill asleep, Zelgadis mutters to himself, brow furrowed deep. ]
Wait... Come back... Don't...
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But maybe, when things have settled down a bit, he can just ask. Isn't that something?
Between the two of them they've made enough progress that all the patients in the inn have been treated before the two hours are up. If he wants to be thorough, Rezo could start visiting the other buildings in the village to look for other patients in a critical state. But wandering off on his own like that seems like it could end poorly, and he wants to stay near Zelgadis to keep an eye on his condition.
So Rezo leaves the final inn patient where they're lying and trudges back to his grandson.
He catches the sound of muttering and thinks for a moment that Zelgadis must still be awake. But- no, that doesn't sound very lucid, is he sleeptalking? He sounds almost anxious about something.
Rezo kneels and listens to the sound of Zelgadis's breathing before he gingerly touches him, wary of waking Zelgadis unnecessarily. ]
Settle down. Everything is fine.
[ Minus the mazoku feeding on the town's suffering and the numerous cursed individuals rotting away, including Zelgadis. But there really isn't a pressing emergency at the moment. Zelgadis can rest a little longer, surely. ]
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Subconsciously, he hears Rezo's reassurance, and the dream changes shape once more.
Rezo has not abandoned him. He's right here.
Thank goodness.
Everything is fine... Is everything fine? He isn't sure of that. But he would like to believe it, if only for now. His breathing steadies, and his sleep is uneventful after that.
It's about thirty minutes past the two hour mark when he blearily awakens. Despite his fatigue, there's too much tension in his body to stay asleep much longer than this. As he lifts his head, he's met with light resistance: strands of his wiry hair poked into the armchair's fabric. It's the least of anyone's problems, but he's a little embarrassed.
The clock on the wall says he overslept. Did Rezo decide against waking him?
...Ha. They've both gotten soft, huh. ]
I'm up.
[ And he'd better be able to finally get up. Come on, chimera body, show him what you're good for.
One, two...
He pulls himself to his feet, swaying lightly. Probably should have taken that more slowly. Ugh, he's going to have to be really careful about how much magic he expends. ]
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When Zelgadis was quite small, Rezo would sometimes sing to him at bedtime, or tell him a story- which would often turn into several stories as Zelgadis stubbornly insisted on staying awake for "just one more"- but right now, it seems better to just give him a quiet: ]
Rest well.
[ That, however, leaves Rezo with little to do. Zelgadis needs his rest. They both need to recuperate. So what should Rezo do in the mean time?
The answer to that Zelgadis will easily be able to discern once he's on his feet, as long as he looks to his side and slightly down.
Because Rezo is now sitting in the arm chair and he is much more heavily conked out than he was earlier. His head is at an angle leaning against the back of the chair and is mouth is partly agape, undermining his usual dignity significantly. At least he isn't snoring. Breathing doesn't count as snoring.
But he is very much in the depths of an old man nap. Zzz. ]
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Shaking off a light dizziness, he watches Rezo. The rhythmic rise and fall of his chest makes Zelgadis want to sit back down and keep sleeping. But it's for the best if one of them remains awake, so he refrains.
Rezo seems so human these past days. Even before the betrayal, Zelgadis had spent enough time with Rezo to learn of his mundane habits, his unglamorous foibles, and still there was always something about him that seemed untouchable. Out of reach. From the start until now Zelgadis had mythologized him. A hero, a villain, the greatest, the worst...
All childish perceptions. He thinks he ought to be annoyed with himself. Instead he's relieved that reality is, for once, a lot more simple than he thought it to be.
Having regained some of his strength, Zel turns his attention to the patients, wanting to assess their conditions for himself for thoroughness' sake. That, and there's precious little else for him to do.
He's just as embarrassed as he was two hours ago about every person here being an audience to the Greywords Family Drama, and were it not for his sense of responsibility he would be the first person ever recorded to grow catatonic from cringe. Or maybe even die. You can probably die from that.
Zel does his best impression of a person with intact dignity as he makes the rounds and concludes his initial assumption was right: Rezo did take care of the rest of the patients. ]
It's a lot to ask, but hang in there. It'll be worth it. Your life isn't something you can replace.
[ He knows he's no motivational speaker, but his awkward effort comes from the heart.
...God, he hopes they're doing the right thing.
Or in this case, the least wrong thing.
He hears footsteps; the innkeeper is coming down the stairs. Urk. He forgot there's one person here who's well enough to comment on what she must have overheard. He hastily makes a last-ditch effort to scrub the blood off of his face and then he preempts her before she can speak a word. ]
We've made considerable headway. If the patients here are responding to the treatments -- and they are -- that bodes well for the rest of the village.
[ "You both have done so much for us already, at great cost to yourselves. Please, rest as much you need."
In spite of that cost, Zel thinks, he's managed to gain something too. That's unbearably sappy, however, so instead he tells her he's experienced worse. It is true.
The innkeeper doesn't ask about what happened with Rezo earlier, either out of politeness or discomfort with broaching the subject. Instead she tells him she's been going through the inn's storage room, looking for extra medical supplies.
"I've found everything but anything useful," she says, "though that old guitar would shed a bit of the gloom if there were anyone left to play." ]
I can play guitar.
[ And a few minutes later, Zel finds himself holding the guitar in question. The innkeeper, looking nearly as happy as she did when Rezo first appeared in the village, eagerly explains that the guitar was left behind by a guest that never came back to retrieve it, and has seen a lot of use from other guests over the years, only finding itself stored away to make room for the patients. ]
I didn't... Uh...
[ Didn't think she'd want him to play it right now. Rezo's still sleeping, for one thing, and it's very sudden besides. Didn't she just tell him to rest...?
But she's obviously desperate for some kind of reprieve from the constant misery, and Zel caves to the hopeful look on her face.
Zel wracks his brain for a minute, and then begins to play a song. ]
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Rezo shifts, and moves his hand onto the armrest where Zelgadis was resting his head. There isn't the telltale prickle of wire hair to be found, only a few small holes and tears in the upholstery. The absence gives him a twinge of alarm which is ridiculous when he's personally put Zelgadis in far, far greater danger before.
(At least Rezo had some control over those dangers before, however.)
(...Sort of.)
If it is Zelgadis playing the guitar, then that's something of a surprise. Rezo had given him a basic musical education as part of Zelgadis's overall curriculum, going over the fundamentals of music theory, breath control, how to read sheet music, helping him experiment with a few portable instruments, etc. At some point they'd stopped- they both had other things they were focusing on.
Had Zelgadis kept on playing without Rezo's knowledge?
He doesn't expect to get any answers from sitting here, so Rezo finally gets to his feet, slipping a hand into the collar of his pauldrons so he can massage his sore neck. The act of getting to his feet also makes his stomach twist in a way that reminds him it's been quite a while since he properly ate anything. That's another thing they'll need to take care of...
Rezo drifts away from the fireplace and towards the source of the music. Even after all that ruminating he doesn't say anything just yet, as he doesn't want to interrupt.]
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He'd picked it back up not long after the copy Rezo incident. It had been relaxing, even meditative, to practice. He'd sit under the moonlight playing whatever felt right and his troubles would drift away with the wind.
Despite having been mildly peer-pressured into this little performance, he doesn't mind that he caved. Recreation is a way to recuperate. The patients might even benefit from it. They've got to be starved for mental stimulation.
He eventually catches a glimpse of Rezo in his peripheral vision and fumbles a note in surprise. Gah -- how long has he been there?
If he's choosing not to interrupt, there can't be any harm in playing a bit longer.
Now, all of a sudden, Zel wants to show off a bit. ]
This'll be the last one.
[ Ostensibly, he's talking to the innkeeper.
Zel re-adjusts his hold on the guitar. Since Rezo has woken up anyway, he picks a tune more energetic than what he'd been playing previously.
As the last notes fade out, he looks not to the innkeeper for her reaction, but to Rezo for his. Not that he wants approval, or anything.
He sets the guitar down, and she thanks him for indulging her. When she acknowledges Rezo, Zel has a brief moment of dread, but she still shows no signs of wanting to insert herself into their family drama. She soon excuses herself to resume clearing out the storage, giving Zel the impression that if anything, she wants to be far away from any more big, dramatic, emotional moments.
He can't say he wouldn't do the same, if he were her. ]
...If that woke you, don't blame me. I mentioned offhandedly that I could play, and then the next thing I know she's foisted the guitar onto me.
[ His hands were tied! ]
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It's a lovely tune. More energetic than what Zelgadis was playing previously, although not to the point of being chipper. It gives Rezo enough energy to smile by the end of the song. It's good to have something to think about other than their various woes.
Rezo exchanges a few brief pleasantries with the innkeeper, and internally cringes at the realization she may well have been able to overhear his confrontation with Zelgadis earlier. If she had, she's tactful enough not to say anything and Rezo indulges himself in imagining that she truly is just eager to clear out the storage room when she excuses himself.
And then it's just Rezo and Zelgadis.
And an inn full of patients, but it's Zelgadis who holds the bulk of Rezo's attention. Rezo's expression softens perceptibly when he turns towards his grandson. ]
There are far worse things to awaken to than music.
[ That feels like a somewhat lukewarm response to Rezo's ear, so he tries to put together something more earnest. Since Zelgadis apparently cares about Rezo's opinion, the poor boy.
Rezo clears his throat. ]
You've gotten better. At playing it. The guitar.
[ An excellent attempt at conversation, ten out of ten points for the Red Priest. ]
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I've found the time to practice, in-between... everything.
[ Adventuring, training.
Looking for a cure because he's too stubborn to accept that there isn't one. No need to say it aloud and strain the mood, is there?
Zel folds his arms. He is not going to be awkward about this, damn it. ]
Can't play in front of Lina or the others without getting bombarded with "requests". Demands, more like...
[ Zel returns to his too-cool-for-this persona. It's a comforting skin to wear: a defense against the vulnerability of sharing aspects of his life with Rezo and candidly having affection for his friends.
It's a weak smokescreen, but if all of their conversations were as raw as earlier, it'd be too much to bear.
The guilt that comes from a sense of grudging responsibility -- dogged thing that is! --nags at him. There is much yet to do, it says. He's probably well enough to accomplish something of use beyond insignificant chatter and playing music.
He still can't bring himself to say, "well, anyway," and change the subject.
It's a plain fact that without rest of body and mind, you break down. His chimera body is no exception. It's proved as much. And Rezo's still overworked.
So, then... it's fine. If it's selfish, it's selfish. He's not a knight in shining armor. He's only doing his best. ]
They're a lively bunch. But, you know that already.
[ Chaotic, annoying, a pain in the ass... and he wouldn't have it any other way. ]
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A soft half-laugh at Zelgadis's talk of his friends, however, should be permissible. ]
So I've observed.
[ On the whole, Rezo actually appreciates Zelgadis's friends. Partly because they're evidence that Zelgadis's life hasn't fully diminished into a wasteland of lonesome suffering, and partly because at the end of the day Lina and her companions have repeatedly saved the world that Rezo painfully wants to see.
This does not mean that he was not frustrated by them at various points in various ways- whether it's because they would not cooperate and give him the accursed Philosopher's Stone he has been waiting for over a century for this or because they were trying to get him to cooperate with their demands while he was half-dazed from the Hellmaster's Jar and busy trying to keep the Dark Lord under wraps. Sometimes emotions don't always mesh with what's objectively right or wrong.
But still, Rezo is grateful. ]
Pokota has mentioned that you're especially close to Princess Amelia these days.
[ Yes, Rezo's in contact with Pokota, which is as baffling to him as it probably is to Zelgadis. All Rezo can say is that while Pokota's temper may be short, so is the amount of time he'll hold onto a grudge. No matter how grievous and permanent the harm that was done. ]
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This is betrayal! And worse, what does that damned stuffed animal know. ]
That little...!
[ Doesn't he have a country to be rebuilding?! He's gonna wring him by the ears next time he sees him!! ]
I don't know what he's been telling you, but Amelia and I are friends.
[ Friends. Friendly friends of a platonic sort. This is his story and he's sticking to it. ]
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Pokota informed me that you had been knighted by Prince Philionel and often work with Princess Amelia in an official or semi-official capacity. He says that the two of you get along quite well.
[ He'd also sketched out a broad outline of how the three of them had first met properly and fought against a magic tank.
Having reassured(?) Zelgadis that Pokota is not spreading salacious rumors about Zelgadis and Amelia, Rezo adds, quite sincerely: ]
I'm glad that you two are friends.
[ They hadn't interacted much but Rezo had observed that Amelia was a compassionate and genuine young woman, and with her status she doubtless has enough sway to help mitigate the ostracization Zelgadis might otherwise face as a chimera mercenary. All in all, an excellent person for Zelgadis to be friends with. ]
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He's not even surprised at himself. This basically always happens. It's the universe's decree.
What does come as a surprise is Rezo's remark. The earnestness of it sets him off kilter.
(He supposes it must help Rezo's estimation of Amelia that she wasn't around for the Philosopher's Stone debacle, but refrains from saying as much.) ]
...Amelia really can't be left to her own devices. Someone's got to keep her out of trouble.
[ Standard tsundere deflection! Who does he think he's kidding? ]
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She's fortunate to have someone kindhearted to look out for her.
[ Okay, so Rezo might be pushing his luck here. Poke-the-tsundere is a game that's hard to resist, alright?
In the back of Rezo's mind, some gears are turning- still mulling over Zelgadis's explosive reaction. In theory it's not uncharacteristic that he would bridle at the realization that others were talking about him behind his back (Zelgadis can be a tad insecure) or noticing that he's close to another person. (And thus undermining the cool loner persona that Zelgadis has.)
However he'd very specifically insisted that he and Amelia were friends. Meaning he'd thought Pokota had said they were close in a different way.
Rezo's... concerned, honestly, but that concern will be getting tucked away in a little box and placed on a shelf in his mind in a secluded corner. Saying anything about it would certainly be a poke too far. ]
Is she really that trouble prone? She hardly seemed worse than the rest of you.
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He allows himself a small smile. Rezo can't see it, so he'll never know!!
Zel clicks his tongue at "hardly seemed worse than the rest of you". They're all trouble-prone goofballs. He's, uh. Well. He's...
...Not much better, huh? ]
She's naive and overzealous. Always getting carried away and in over her head because she thinks with her heart instead of her brain. Our foes aren't going to politely sit and listen while she's admonishing them in the name of justice.
[ He sighs. ]
It's impossible not to worry about her.
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It's nice to hear some of what Zelgadis thinks, rather than try and pick up on it via observation or from what mutual acquaintances might mention offhand. They haven't really properly spoken about mundane personal matters since-
Well. It always goes back to the moment Zelgadis was transformed.
But at least in this moment they're able to talk, and Rezo feels safe enough to indulge in idle, personal curiosity. ]
However did the two of you meet?
[ Pokota hadn't known that part, after all, though Rezo had surmised that the two of them had met through Lina Inverse during the intervening years between his first death and his temporary revival. He's discovered quite a lot of things happened in that timeframe and he's still struggling to catch up. ]
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It's going to take time before this stops catching Zelgadis off guard. But as long as Rezo continues to extend an olive branch, Zel will keep taking it. ]
It was back when I was investigating your supposed revival; what turned out to be your copy. I'd parted ways with Lina and Gourry after Shabranigdu's defeat, only to stumble across them once more while confronting Eris. But this time, they had Amelia in tow. In terms of first impressions, it could have gone better. She thought I looked 'suspicious'.
[ Relaying this isn't about slinging guilt. It's the truth of the matter, for one.
It would be an insult to them both to try and ignore the elephant in the room. Now that Rezo is willing to listen, Zel wants him to understand how far reaching the consequences of his actions are. How this stone body colors every interaction he'll ever have. ]
She was a lot more immature then. I thought she was getting underfoot more than anything else. Trying to make dramatic entrances and falling flat on her face, being knocked around by monsters... I didn't have a choice but to keep an eye on her.
[ Someone like that, you just can't help wanting to look out for. ]
It turned out that we didn't make too badly of a team. When I ran into her again in Xoana, we were briefly at odds -- a clash of interests. But after that...
[ He shrugs. ]
Some people have a way of sticking around.
a wizard is never late etc
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